I am a single woman, who lives mostly alone and far away from family, so the only person I am held accountable to for my everyday actions is myself. This means a lot of ‘bad’ things I do, such as ignoring my physical health, not studying and sleeping in become acceptable. I’m hurting nobody but myself, and for some reason, I have found those hurtful behaviours justifiable, but I’m ready to change.
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Here's me, sitting around, not doing much, and probably even drunk.
Not my house. I wish it was my house.
Thank you, Annie Hutch for the artsy picsy.
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Get out of your own way is a vague yet ever-quoted saying of gurus and influencers the world over - a meaningless statement that speaks only to those whom have finally ‘got it’, but is useless to those still flapping in the breeze. That is why I have started my YouTube channel and this Tumblr. I could rope a buddy in, to push me out of my way, but that isn’t their role. Since I cannot (and will not ever) have a Shelly-clone dragging me out of bed, fucking with my wifi, and whipping me at the gym, I’m using the internet and a theoretical audience to be held accountable to. The threat of the internet can push me down the stairs, throw the book at me, as well as the medicine ball, and iron my hands when I chose Netflix’s Dynasties over meditating.
Why an internet-overlord? I’ve always felt quite comfortable bailing on a gym buddy a dawn, however, the thought of posting videos of me saying’ll do one thing, then having my corporeal form act contrarily, is absolutely abhorrent to me. I also find the thought of people having physical evidence of me being a hypocrite and a quitter especially troubling (gossip and speculation doesn’t bother me, in fact, I find it quite titillating), and that is why I am sure this accountability project will work.
In my inaugural post to YouTube, Holding Myself Accountable, I made several promises to myself, primarily to get fit and healthy, however, my firmest declaration was to meditate each and everyday. These are promises I often make to myself, quietly, in my head where nobody can hear, or in my diary whom nobody reads. Sometimes I articulate these thoughts in fleeting remarks to my housemate, friends and colleagues. We always agree that we should all be doing these things. We sing songs of praise for the benefits of meditating, especially for those in social justice jobs like us, but we never do it. I never do it. Until now.
I will be mediating everyday for the next 7 days, and then I’ll meet you on my YouTube channel to tell you all about it on Sunday 16 December 2018. The ultimate meditation goal is to make it a daily habit in time for the New Year.
